.DAY

2011-11-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

once ago

2011-11-20T01:46:00.000-08:00

and as i feared

perhaps so much

to have willed it

gone are you

from my arms

perhaps to return

but surely without

the instinct

you once brooded.

so long for now

is all i say

and if never again

we rock to sleep

then let it be known

that when i did

till no more

i loved you.

what does it mean to love?

2011-11-15T01:05:00.000-08:00

For the sake of the other

to one's self upkeep

by the other's doing

to slumber and lose sleep

to dig to the surface

of what one's self least scratch

to the soul of the other

incongruously match

To wound and to pain

through laughter and pleasure

to leave it to abandon

with every mean and measure

To love is to polish

with patience and tenacity

that tarnish that grows

on the other's assumed reciprocity

journey

2011-11-15T00:50:00.000-08:00

it is effective

as it is essential

to plan an epic duck

from tooth to nail, fight

and about anything

not give a fuck

to relieve one's self

from the ties

that routine progressively pulls

to rid one's self

of familiar commoners,

charlatans and fools

a space like no other

in its necessary middle

living in limbo's

solving

rhyme with a riddle

a challenge

that when completed

assuages all temporary needs

a nuisance that ambiguously

one's demons feeds

far is the acquaintance

to such a resolution

deeper is the relation

of happiness to confusion

a fear

2011-06-24T01:55:00.000-07:00

beset in my throat

no matter the swallowing i do

i cannot rid

your ever imminent departure

from my life.

so for all our days

until you flee

i'll love you with an urgency

tomorrow can render

no more a priority.

oblivion

2011-05-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

such a savior he was

that i did not even know

that i needed saving.

that he did not know he was

saving me

BT

2011-05-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

as though i had had a labotomy

any lover that i'd once manically adored

with flesh and conscience

became inconsequential

and no more

a sly trick of my boundless imaginings

as ever real.

up to the point where my self

was compelled to share

with your self,

its self...

love was but a fiction

of the biblical variety

unto you my very dearest

i bestow the well-deserved

honour

of the new testament

of my now blessed life.

a trek tireless

2011-05-23T06:26:00.001-07:00

For if one were to cease

if one were to evaporate

to fold

to ashen

to loosed one's grip too much

one would fall from the grace of one's grace.

one would wilt, perish

and

com

pose

into the nothingness of one's non-existance

as though one never was

and therefore

unwarranted even in concept(ion)

One awakes

reluctantly

this most miserable pointless morrow

exclusively

for the sake

of one's own self

hot air

2011-05-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

if thee

thyself detest

well,

lost

2010-09-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

irreconcilable

is a word, born from a concept

that i was not sure truly existed

and now it is clear

how and why it be.

for it is not a lack of common ground

that renders the differences unresolvable

(for a compromise can always be met:

because in its essence, it is a give and take until the predicament is solved.)

it is instead a number of variables that inhibit the process of factorisation from taking place in the first place.

therefore, under scrutiny

reconciliation, or lack thereof

pivots on a willingness to succumb. On a decision to settle.

and if one does not see one's error, but that of the other(s'), there is no reason to concede, at which point neither to attempt to solve.

in my case, i will not give in and make myself weak

as he wont likewise. we remain as a result, uncommunicative, and to the detrement of anything we could have had, irreconcilable.

what a shame

i am a fool

2010-09-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

more foolish than the most foolish of fools

a undeniable fool

a beautiful fool

because it's natural

and uncontestable

and sincere

my foolishness.

survivor

2010-07-19T13:56:00.000-07:00

and as the plane crashed...

i sat calmly

scribing my imminent death

for those that would survive us.

awaiting death

(that was approaching so hastily

i wrote in an untidy cursive

to fit all the adjectives in, in time)

with an abandon

i have never known to exist in me.

as the animals around me

screeching, peeing, panting

primal ,sweating, incredulous

animals aka passengers

hurried and dug

in the impossible vortex of emotion and matter;

i forgot for the moment

about the agony of my collapsing lungs

and came to terms

with death, though it annoyed me

that it was so untimely.

im only 23 for crying out aloud

There was no god

there was no light

there was no moral reckoning

that i feared would preside

soon thereafter.

it was just me.

then,

we were no longer to die

the excursion was over

we made an emergency landing in Moscow

i shook someone's hand.

i grinned a bit from relief.

spoke to airport staff.

only minutes later i was making self enquiries

about how to take the trans siberian express.

and that concluded it. dawn had broken.

i woke up today

feeling helpless, but feeling good

because its clear from this dream

i am fearless

summer winter

2010-05-31T03:34:00.000-07:00

my emptyness is temporary
and in it i dwell.

i occupy its hollow
so much so

that i repeatedly wail
determined to hear my own echo.
next season

i will i see no more the brim

and lament all the same

because the overabundance

will smother me,

so much so

that it will spill over,

and being the aquarian i am

i shall momentarily long for the strife

of having nothing

nonetheless

2010-05-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

i'm scared

instinct

2010-05-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

all the prime advice in the universe
even offered by the maji from the orient
cannot shake me
though i practice no prophecy
though i hold no degree
though i am no one
and therefore know not how to navigate
i feel which star to follow
and so it be.

crossroads

2010-04-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

should i take the money and run
or flee broke?
maybe i should walk
i may find luck in a stray penny
maybe not.

i should probably flick a coin.

do i choose heads or tails?
should i reference the past
or depend solely on the future ?
i ought to live in the present
though its already history.

i'll take it as it comes
yet destiny is in my hands
i have two appendages, mind you
so which do i choose?

tell me please.
no, i'll decide
we'll see

imagine my plight

2010-04-27T04:55:00.000-07:00

i am an introvert.
yet all my life,
i have had no idea.

why life is a melodrama

2010-04-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

is because everything is now.
including nothing.

road to recovery

2010-04-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

as if to save me from myself
i awoke slightly unburdened
this thursday morrow

my blood is lighter and cleaner
that is...
no longer stagnantly awaiting
your presence to get it newly aflow.

2010-04-07T01:36:00.000-07:00

time has supposedly lapsed, cause its already april
elongated days have set, and infinite dawns, broken
yet i continue to palpitate at the reluctant thought of you.

like the wreck you are to my current existance
i have written you off
pulled you apart
and dumped the memory of what coul've been your partiality
to me
at the scrapyard
of my mind

alas i still go there
with a pathetic desperation for a girl of my dignity
to admire your once
intact, kinetic self
that regretfully only ever lived
in my mind

for fear that it is true
i convince myself,
while i convince myself otherwise
that you are held back
not because you dont favour me as urgently
as i do you
but because...
who knows?

my denial is so thorough
that even the bare facts offer no testament
this undiagnosed psychosis i bear
is so rampant
that your lack of effort
and empty even if unuttered words
do not deter my body and soul
from climbing out from themsleves
to go seeking you
in the parrallel world of my dreams
every single night.

no room for discrimination

2010-04-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

tolearate at best.
avoid at worst

multitask

2010-04-06T02:01:00.001-07:00

fishing is not only about fishing.

egoli

2010-03-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

2010-03-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

2010-03-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

siyahlanya siyaphapha s'phume jozi
we're crazy, we're OTT, we're from Jozi

blank

2010-03-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

when i look at you
i am offended
by your brazen
scraping eyes
that frame your
perfect and above all natural countenance

because it scathes me
to thnik that the odds
played no part
in your creation

while the rest of us mortals
puke at the sight
of our unthrilling reflections

ever stupified by the beauty
that people like you possess

you make my nose bleed

my god
boy,
you are gorgeous.

2010 world cup fucking fever

2010-03-08T01:54:00.000-08:00

the germans will immerse themselves in the social dynamics

the french will sample our famed pinotage

the italians will buy holiday homes in Knysna

while skwatta camps swell

and the women take no break from toil

even if they continue to hunger

insatiable

2010-02-23T02:51:00.000-08:00

you always think you want more

and when you get it all

you realise you have too much

2010-02-23T02:50:00.000-08:00

at the pivot of inner strength
is the desire for it

why life is not fair

2010-02-23T02:49:00.000-08:00

is because it's not fair

metaphor

2010-02-23T02:47:00.000-08:00

love is baffling
love is cruel
love is temporary

it is for this that they say:
love is life

2010-02-23T02:46:00.000-08:00

money is nothing more than weight
ironic in a society so obsessed with shedding it

self

2010-02-23T02:44:00.000-08:00

i cant help it
i just happen to be so inclined

2010-02-23T02:21:00.000-08:00

clouds are too fluffy

peaches over abundant

bosom sufficiently braised

for this autumn is called upon

to conclude the yellow

and commemorate

our temperance

2010-02-23T02:09:00.000-08:00

i lug less
you chug more
you kiss all
i cry never

time waits occasionally for one
to catch up to it
and when one does
a promenade to a new dawn
is brief and fun

your feet are naked
my body is bare
my pockets are empty
but our minds are as clear
as summer

winter

2010-02-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

how i've wasted
an entire sunday
staring blankfaced
out've the window to the right

head denting my pillow
quilt heaped
on the laundry-clad double bed

witnessed late daybreak
winked through noon
yawned at the sight
of evening's prematurity

now its all black

see, nothing has changed all day
even to this very moment
as night densifies
it is solely
you
i think about

2009-10-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

it is not naivety from which i suffer. it is merely an extreme case of idealism.

speculation

2009-10-13T10:48:00.001-07:00

perhaps when you die, your destiny is in fact that which you supposed.

2009-10-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

intelligence is knowing that you posess it (or don't for that matter) while in both cases striving for it.

because it eventual,

2009-10-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

diligence is genious
is success
is victory.

really...

2009-10-05T07:37:00.001-07:00

if you like it, you're worthy

history

2009-09-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

you may think you have forgotten
you may think you have healed
you may think you have forgiven
but your dreams remind you
of a brewing past.

a silent suffering

2009-09-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

as if a merry walk
would exorcise me
unwitting to the speeding vehciles
and throbbing traffic lights green
i proceeded down the road
all the way down the road
with my demons perched steadily
on either shoulder.

half full

2009-09-17T02:17:00.000-07:00

to hurt is (fortunately) to heal

unapologetic vulnerability

2009-09-17T02:12:00.000-07:00

my vocal chords are taut from having yelped you name all night long.
if its not your face- ever magnificent even when bestowing bad news-
its the blank and suddenly solid green of your eyes
when you clarified the fact that you no longer find me
beautiful and charming and perfect
despite my confession
of not having loved like i do you

"i'm sorry that you ever knew me" you say
to console the fact
that i have no regrets
even if i damn-well should
for having known
a creature
as splendid
as you.

season

2009-05-25T02:57:00.000-07:00

2008-10-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

monochrome in the rainbow nation

2008-10-14T04:06:00.000-07:00

It wasnt until , was it... three odd years ago that i was told by my friend Lwazi, in casual discussion, that he, along with other people from whom he had received testament, too feels an overwhelming sort of sensation (like a fury accompanied with a burdening sort of hurt he more or less described it) when discriminated against on obviously racial grounds. We both agreed in the end that its a type of intensity white people can never understand, as they will never really suffer it as as we do. As we have.

Being black for me is a constant intensity. Its a concious state of mind, of which i always harbour. Its probably coming from a place that is trying to be sewn together after acres of racial fray, and then being brought up amidst the crosstitch of it all. Its a carrying constantly of a memory, of a reality of suffering. Even if we are rising.
Yet we have an innate ability to overcome, thats what i think is the tie that binds us as black people .
We have fought oppression from the very onset ,and so one should consider: what effect do eras of discrimination on a people (especially generations later) render? Our grim history has led us to believe that struggle it part of our destiny. Which is is ironically a shared quirk of us blacks, that we- like the Rom that have and continue to endure a similar strife- embrace, but it's also all the more reason not to have to continue to accept it.
we are complex, we have huge chips on our shoulders.
we many still have issues of submission. Trembling at the opportunity of equality because of incredulousness in our own worth. A great majority of black people are still mentally living in the darkness of inferiority. This is to expected seeing as the black areas in South africa were the last to be afforded the basics of electricity.

I was raised in a township with suburban aspirations. Spruitview. A place for darkies 'going places'. i remember IFP riots in thte streets at random, and being forced to stay indoors by my mom. Banners of Mandela some hidden, some mounted, like the one in my house. Talks of a guy always on parents' lips. I recall thinking: "Who is this Honey guy, and how does everyone know him?" (i realised later that it was the assasinated Chris Hani, at the time, leader of the South African Communist party, and chief of office of Mkhonto we Sizwe).

At age 8, we moved to actual suburbia- with all the conveniences only the white previously enjoyed. all services in close proximity, unlike townships that are alarmingly less developed. It was still fresh, the bitterness in the white people's mouths, it was 1995 mind you, a mere year into the new revolution when my family and I wasted no time fully immersing ourselves in the dream of a 'Rainbow nation'. It must have been our first couple of months in Edenvale, that we decided to visit the Mikes Kitchen (restaurant franchise) one sunday for lunch. A classmate and her family were dining at the cubicle behind us, when suddenly the bulging eyed grandmother choked on a bolus of her carvery, at the sight of her granddaughter, Jenny waving amicably to a little kaffir girl. (chuckle)

Stuff like this has never deterred me from mixing myself in though. There are no longer rules that forbid integration. simple. There are no such things as zones for slegs blankes you know. I'm living in Italy now, and demand, everytime i feel its missing , the same treatment as any caucasian counterpart of mine,even in their own territory. why should one settle for anything less anyway?It has been in recent years of enlightment, that i have developed a resentment in the gradual education of the history of us black South Africans. But i shan't lament. It's for this, that i am propelled to reiterate Steve Biko's words that "Black is beautiful" at any chance i can.

"Man, you are okay as you are. Begin to look upon yourself as a human being" the quote continues. it is with admiration then, to see my people making waves of disastrous proportions. to see the ghetto always home, but the mentality that comes with it, unsheltered in the minds of those that dare to be different.
For in our communities, lies a loathing for the successful. Those that (it is always assumed ) by luck or wealth, or the intervention of some fair skinned saviour, have moved foward, have in turn been percieved to have left their ethnic pride behind.
Why witchcraft is still a strong practice and has not dissolved in cultural diffusion, is because we black people are always ready to gnaw at each others' bones. To pull each other down, Tall poppy syndrome its called. A phenomenon that arises when in a society, the outstanding are resented for their achievements, which Wikipedia would explain, 'distinguishes them from their peers'. In this case race is the collective. It raises secondary enquiries into our ethnic predispositions, as this i have witnessed and heard is a universally black thing. This is too speculative a subject to get into into i know, i'll lightly tread over it. My theories pivot on my initial point about our complexes of ourselves in relation to whites. "the mind of the opressed" being the "opressor's greatest weapon"

Our wounded minds cannot be blamed for their pettiness though. From its birth, our nation has had to deal with racial traumas. Mentalities are weak. we cannot expect our country to be in form when its only just recovering.
I of course do not support it, but in truth western doctrines cannot tell african men that rape is a violation when forever prior, a woman had been treated as a subordinate. In a brief space of 15 years, helmut headed men cannot be instructed to stop beating their wives on account of this sudden 'gender equality' . All this change, in such a short space of time. Culture is essentially accumulated habit, and we all know how old habits die hard.
How do you go about convincing a believer in the South African version of christianity- i would go so far as specify, that actually a religion brought to our country by ill intending 'christian' colonisers has expired in its relevance, if it ever was in the first place. We black people are hores for fucking religion. The whole world is granted... but i repeat, in context these spiritual organisations came into existance in our culture when the white people tried to infiltrate it. Church was a subliminal means to control- to unify the ignorant with absolute concepts that have overtime seeped into our modern heritage. its not ancient. nor is it sacred. Contrary to what the translated (and censored) scriptures in the bible say, i wont be smited for arguing with my elders, especially about a point i am allowed to have opinion about by the way.
We do not see that religion has metamorphasised into a national routine, 'tsohle, tsohle' has become a soccer warcry. Bantu christianity i prefer to call it, might as well be the cheesy soap opera Generations on SABC.

Thank God, we have a strong minded youth in emergence. Young people are realising that with a changing South Africa, a conciousness of 'blackness' must be maintained and preserved, and it need not come with prescription either. Its a pride, that needs no justification. Its a shared feeling of victory to see one of our own represent. It is a refusal to yield. The ability to be an individual in a fundamentally communal society. It is the long awaited freedom to be able to- as i am doing in the example of Biko-"write what i like". Giving full credit to the fighters of every battle before my own, now the opressor against me and others in my zone, is with no ammunition.

thought

2008-06-16T03:14:00.000-07:00

a lack of toil.
stubborns the soil.